Sunday, January 19, 2014

hello hello

it's been a while

well now, where do I start...

I feel really bad about dropping off the face of the earth. I really do. I feel like I have no excuse, because I feel like people don't really accept depression as an excuse for screwing up. But there you go. I have depression, and it's to blame for most of my screwups I think...

It's just one of those things, you know?

I'll hide from a small problem for a little while, and then when I realize that I should probably do something to explain myself, I get anxious about it and I cope by hiding even more. It's like when I forgot my dad's birthday and I kept putting off calling him, but the more I put it off the worse I felt, and the more I felt like I couldn't call him because of how long it had been since I should have called him in the first place!

I know I do it, and I know I do it to myself. It's just not easy to fix a neurotic pattern of thinking I guess.

I am trying though. A little bit. I could be trying harder... I could be in therapy, and I could be taking better care of myself, but I am doing some things. I'm medicated. Hang on actually I should take my pill before I forget...

Right. So, I'm medicated... I'm going to work almost every day. I'm going to go back to school soon too! So that's really great. I'll be going to cosmetology school this time. I feel like I'm finally ready for it. I realized a short while ago that I need to stop putting off doing the things I really want to do. With cosmetology school, I'll be able to have a career that will hopefully be something I love doing... Something that will leave me with the time and energy to blog again. I would love that so much.

Until then I need to let y'all know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for disappearing... I know compared to some blogs I don't have a lot of followers or anything like that, but to the few of you out there wondering what happened to me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone, or let anyone down. The last thing I would ever want would be to hurt someone else... And I'm really sorry if I did.

I still have nail polish that was sent to me and I owe it to those who sent it to do something with it. I'm thinking I should give it away. I don't know when/if I will ever get around to reviewing anything. I know I would like to. I just don't know if I can.

I'm still a work in progress. I need to make myself better before I can come back to all this. I miss it. I miss interacting with people online and collectively going gaga over nail polish... It seems so silly. It's just nail polish right? It's more than that I think. I will let you know when I figure out exactly what it is.

I will try to post more updates semi-regularly, so I can hopefully start to get back into the swing of things. I start school in six weeks and I would love to be able to share that experience with y'all...

Until then, goodnight and best wishes.