Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Candlelight Vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance

Hello everyone,

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance.

This is a day to remember and honor those who have lost their lives due to transphobic violence, hate, and discrimination. The media sensationalizes and disrespects transgender hate crime victims after they have been killed, by identifying them with the wrong name and pronouns and writing about them as if they were sexually confused and mentally ill. More often than not, though, transphobic hate crimes are largely ignored.

Please take a moment to look over this list from the TDoR website. This is the list of names of people who are being remembered this year on November 20th. Please note that the list is incomplete and constantly being updated.

I've been trying to figure out exactly what I want to say about today's post without making it too personal, but I don't think this post can not be personal.

I have transgender friends whom I love very much, and I'm glad none of them are on the list of names being memorialized today. I don't know what I would do if I lost someone close to me. I can't even begin to imagine something like that, and I don't want to.

As much as I am happy that my friends are safe, I am also extremely grateful that nothing bad has happened to me because of my gender identity.

When I was seventeen, I came out to my mother as transgender. Up until that point, I had simply been a girl, a daughter, a sister... but I struggled internally with my gender identity. I was extremely unhappy; I hated myself but I didn't know why.

At eighteen, I started living my life as the boy I've always been inside. It's been a rough journey, but I've made it through so far.

I've been going back and forth on whether or not I want to share these intimate details of my life, and I've decided that I shouldn't be afraid to. I'm proud of who I am.

It shouldn't make a difference in how others see me, but I know it does. People like me die simply because we are not understood. There is ignorance in the world that easily becomes hatred and violence.

It has to stop.

Today I'm sharing some images on my nails that mean a lot to me.

On my thumb is the transgender symbol in the form of a heart.

On my index and middle fingers is the Transgender Pride Flag, to represent the openness with which transgender people should be able to live their lives.

On my ring finger is a candle flame, in memory of lives lost.

Thank you all for reading this post, and for supporting me in my blogging journey thus far. I truly, deeply, appreciate the encouragement I have received from this wonderful community, and I hope to keep doing this for a long time.



  1. This is a beautiful post, and beautiful manicure. I'm thrilled that you are sharing yourself with us openly and with pride. That's how it should be!! And another reason why you are my hero! :)

    I added my link as well. Thanks for organizing this. I'm glad I could be a part of such a meaningful day and help spread the word!


    1. Thank you Kimber! I admit I was nervous about this post. In fact, I still am... But it's worth it.

      Thank you so much for your support!

    2. If there's one thing I can say about the NP Community, it's that as a whole, we're all pretty darn supportive. And, if ANYONE has anything negative to say, send em my way. As the mother of an openly bi-sexual autistic daughter, I'm damned good with bullies. Plus I have zero tolerance when it comes to people being douches about sexuality and gender ID. You are a beautiful person, and I'm proud to know you!

  2. This is me getting all teary eyed & sappy! Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful self. Much love & big hugs!

  3. I was going to pass silently, I've discovered your blog only recently, so I don't know anything about you, and I don't want to seem a complete stranger giving her opinion about everything (though in the end that's what I am). But, in the end, I think I really have to tell you, you are such a brave person! and I admire you for this. i say so not only for writing this post. Also for the choices you make in life, and I totally understand having to face people's ignorance is one of the worse things on Earth.
    And, of course, your manicure is perfect!

  4. I like both your mani and the story behind it.
    We live in world full of hate, but also full of beauty. You made it more beautiful place and I'm sorry you and everyone else who is even a bit different from majority has to deal with closed-minded ignorants.

  5. Lovely post and nail art (as always). Hopefully simply by being part of the community you're raising awareness and breaking down barriers and misperceptions xx

  6. Thank you for sharing. Having the strength to do so makes the world a little bit better for those who come behind you.

  7. hugs from carrie at DDP. :)

  8. Fitzy, this is such a beautiful post, you have moved me to tears. I know that this had to be a difficult story to share with the world but I'm glad you did. Your strength to do so will hopefully help make people more aware, tolerant and maybe even inspire someone else that is struggling with gender identity or even being bullied because of it. Thank you for sharing your story and this lovey mani.

    <3 Gini

  9. You amaze me. Thank you so so much for sharing your story. I can't even begin to tell you how awed I am of your bravery and strength. When I think about the small things we worry about everyday, it makes me sick to my stomach because people all over the world are dealing with this unnecessary struggle and that burden is so much bigger than my broken phone or my dirty house. I try everyday to be thankful for what I have in my life, days like today make me even more thankful - that sounds really selfish, but I don't mean it in a selfish way if that makes sense. I really hope that you know that there are people out there that support you and don't care what sex you are or were, what's important is your heart. I don't know you well, but you have to have a heart to organize something like this and to spread your story and educate people about the world. Thank you very much for educating me and making look outside my bubble.

    Now that my good time rant is over, your mani is amazing, I struggled with mine because my nails are so short - ugh so jeally of your nails!!! Do I say that every time I stop by? Yes, yes I do - lol!!

  10. Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you did, and I'm even gladder that nobody embarrassed us all by being an ignoranus (intentionally misspelled). The way OUR society treats people outside gender norms is disgusting. Every time I hear some stupid half-assed argument about "the way the world is" in response to homosexuality, gender norms, whatever, I want to punch them. Other cultures don't treat transgenders as freaks, or homosexuals as diseased. Y'know certain languages don't even have gender-specific pronouns? It's all in an environmental/cultural context, and some people are completely ignorant. I totally used this opportunity with my nails to push my secret equality agenda =D

    That candle flame is beautifully done. I'm totally jealous. <3

  11. Lovely nails! And more importantly thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Even though you were nervous about posting it you should be super proud that you did :D I'm a big believer in speaking up(especially as of recently). Sometimes things might not be the easiest to say. But if you don't nothing happens, nothing changes.

  12. you fuckin rock, fitzy!

  13. The only thing that is more beautiful than your mani is your soul. You are an inspiration, and may your life always be happy. Thank you for sharing the story with us.

  14. The flame one is absolutely stunning. I'll join everyone else with thanking you for opening up and sharing such a personal detail. I can only hope that as time goes on and people learn more about what being transgendered actually means that they will become more accepting.

  15. Fitzy, You are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that to have met you on Twitter. You are a very genuine person, and one hell of a guy. I'm glad you posted this.

  16. Mahalo for sharing your story. I love all of your manis, but this is one of my faves of yours. Aloha from Maui.

  17. I absolutely love this manicure and what the meanings behind the images. I'm glad to have learned a bit more about you and that you shared this intimate detail with all of us. :o)


Please leave me a comment! I read all of them and I will definitely get back to you if you have any questions.